Insert Clever Title Here
by Akimei the Twisted
Summary: It's another Jade and Dave story. It's a fic where all the kids and trolls are in high school. I have nothing clever to name this terrible work or writing. Rated T for strong language and other stuff.


**So I woke up and realized that it was National OTP Day on the 19th. This was kinda rushed, and the characters are OOC alot! It's mainly Dave and Bro because I AM NO GOOD AT IRONY and Rose because SMART PEOPLE ARE TO SMART! I realize this is two days late, but I wanted to participate.**

**Ok, so this is a AU where the kids go to the same school, and the trolls are foreign exchange students that have been there for a year. This peice of shit was inspired by several pictures and my brain going on the fritz.**

**Insert Clever Title Here**

**Dave's POV**

"I'll see you later, Bro." I said, walking out of our shitty apartment. I pushed the button for the elevator and sighed. Today was my first day of high school, and bro had made sure that I was ironically miserable for it. First, he attacked me after I got out of the shower, which was pretty fucking usual actually. Then, out of all the things he could have made for breakfast, he mad motherfucking plushrump pancakes and apple juice, which wasn't that fucking weird for him either. Finally, he stole my shades, which is a huge fucking mistake to do to a Strider. He made me fight him for them, which is why I have a fucking gash in my arm the size of motherfucking Jupiter. I eventually got my shades back, so it wasn't that fucked up.

The elevator doors opened, but to top the fucking ironic mess with Dave shitty cake, my bro stuffed the entire motherfucking elevator with his shitty plushrumps. They covered me faster than I could grab the shitty sword I kept next to the elevator. I twitched slightly, but kept my cool. I found my way out of the fucking huge pile of rapist eyed plushrumps, and found a note stuck to one of them.

_Dear Baby Bro,_

_I hope you have a pretty fucking acceptable first day of high school._

_With ironic Love,_

_Bro_

I crushed the note, and decided to take the fucking stairs. Since Bro and I lived on the top floor, the walk gave me a while to sort my thoughts. Egderp and Harley were coming back from their summer trip to Canada, and Lalonde said she was going to try to have some "family bonding time" with me and Bro. I still have no fucking idea how she's going to do that, but to be honest, I don't give a fuck. The way things were going today, it was going to take something that made me seriously happy, and mean happy like motherfucking school girl jumping all over because some guy or random shit asked her out, to turn this day around. I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets. I guess it makes me a little less fucked up that Egderp and Harley are coming back. Last time I saw those two, Egderp was ranting about some movie or some shit before giving me a final brofist of the season, and Harley was hugging the life out of me to say goodbye. It wouldn't be so bad to see them again. It was a long and fucking boring summer without those derpy siblings to annoy the fuck out of me. All I had was my ironic bro and therapist half-sister. Lalonde was cool and all, but motherfucking Gog she makes me fly off the handle way to much with her therapy shit!

I sighed once again as I walked into the lobby to find the one and only Rose Lalonde waiting for me. She walked up to me once she noticed I was finally here.

"Hello Strider." She said.

"Hey Lalonde, what the fuck are you doing here?" I asked her.

"Simple," she said, "I told you I was going to have family bonding time with you."

"So you're going to walk me to school like some fucking three year old?"

"It's all in this pamplet I prepared." She handed me some pamplet titled _The Process of Bonding With Your Distant Sibling_

"What the fuck is this, Lalonde?" I asked her, walking through the apartment building's door.

"It's a pamplet I created for you. It will help you track our level of sibling likeness, and our scheduled bonding times. I have one as well." She said.

"You can't call this shit bonding." I said, "Bonding is having your bro teach you how to throw down sick fires and use turntables. Bonding is getting rained on by plushrums, and attacked on a regular basis. Bonding is knowing that you could be challenged to a rap battle any second, but you know you're ready for it."

"I'm aware that you have a different bonding process with your brother, but I am your half sister, and we need to have a much different process of bonding. It clearly states so in the pamplet." She said.

"Listen Lalonde, I refuse to go to the knitting store with you and gossip with the old ladies and Kanaya about how pink is the new periwinkle or some shit." I said after I read through the idea options.

"Of course not, pink is the new green, not periwinkle." She said. I sighed and mentally face-palmed. How the hell is she even to related to me. She was about to say some reply when I heard a voice that I'd been missing over these past few months.

"Dave!" I heard Jade's voice yell. I turned around and she wrapped her arms around me,"I missed you, cool kid."

"I missed you too, Harley." I said, patting her head with a small smile. Jade had always brightened up my day, even when we were kids. She pulled out of the hug, and I put my poker face back on. It was then when I noticed that Jade had grown a fucking lot over the summer, in more ways than one. I had to fight back a motherfucking blush, but the light blue tank top she was wearing didn't help. I had to turn my head to make sure she didn't see it, and took a deep breath. She was about to comment when Egderp came to the rescue...did I really just think that? Oh sweet fuck, how deep do I have to fall to be saved by Egderp of all people!

"Dave!" Egderp yelled. He tried to give me one of his gay ass hugs, but I gave him a brofist instead.

"Sup Egderp." I said. He gave me his idiotic, derpy smile.

"You missed the greatest movie premier in Canada. It stared Megan Fox as the sassy secretary and Zac Efron as Robot Kong! It all started when-" I decided to tune him out after he began ranting about another shitty movie, and looked back at Jade, who was talking to Rose about some girly shit, out of the corner of my eye. I tried to take in what I saw. She still had the same derpy smile, and slightly messed up hair. She had developed more of a figure, but was still petite. Her face still lit up brightly at everything that made her happy, and she still had those beautiful emerald green eyes.

"Dave!" Egderp yelled, snapping me out my trance. I looked at him, and he was doing that weird fucking thing those old people do when you skate in their yard.

"Have you been listening to me?" He asked.

"Something about Megan Efron being a shitty sassy robot or some shit." I said, walking up the stairs to the high school. What kind of fucking school has stairs leading to the door anyway? That's just fucking stupid.

"Dave, Super Relectica vs Robot Kong is not a movie to sneeze at. It's a movie in which cross planet lovers will do anything to take over Earth, but the sassy secretary and her Glutovian boyfriend fight back with passion." He said with gay hand motions to add to his fucking lame statement.

"No one gives a shit, Egderp." I said. He was about to give some lame ass comment when a girl covered in freckles ran up to me.

"I know that swag anywhere! You're Dave Strider!" She yelled, causing several other chicks to swarm me.

"Marry me!"

"Date me!"

"I love you!"

"Finally! Another Strider!"

_"Fuck"_ I thought. I tried to push them back, but there were so fucking many of them. Why am I cursed with such swag? I wasn't interested in any of these people. To be honest, the only girl I really want to be with is Harley.

"Alright people back up, or I'll have to bring you to justice myself!" I heard the voice of my blind friend say.

"You heard her, fuckasses, scram!" I turned to see Karkat and Terezi shooing my crazed fangirls away from me.

"You have no idea how motherfucking happy I am to see you two." I sighed, and fixed my now fucked up hair.

"No problem, cool kid." Terezi said.

"Yeah, I can't let a fuckass like you get all of the girls." Karkat said. I rolled my eyes behind my shades. I looked behind them, and saw the rest of the exchange students talking to the others.

"I always knew my swag was a curse." I said, unconsciously searching for Jade. I finally spotted her talking to that fucking wannabe playboy Ampora. I know she didn't like him or any shit like that, but dammit, Ampora naturally pissed me off.

"You know you don't have any swag you just-" I walked away from Karkat while he was talking. We all know I don't give a shit about what he says anyway. I casually strided over to where Jade was, ignoring Karkat's fucking obnoxious yelling.

"I guess I have grown a little over the summer, and you're right, Eridan," She giggled, "fish puns are funny!"

"I know. By any chance do you like whales?" He asked her. What the fuck? Whales, that was his pickup line, whales?

"They are pretty cool!" Jade said, "They're mammals that live in the water. Kinda like dolphins, but more whaley."

"Well I could show you a really big whale if you come to my house later." Ampora said. What the fuck? Why would Jade go to his house to see a fucking whale of all things?

"Do you think it would like me?" Jade asked.

"Oh my whale loves all the ladies, but you have to give it a kiss." He said. Oh for the sake of fucking Gog. I walked over, and put a protective arm around her.

"Sorry Ampora, but Harley has plans with me tonight." I said cooly. There was no way in hell I was letting Harley go anywhere alone with a guy, especially Ampora.

"We do?" Jade asked curiously. I nodded.

"Whale, I guess I should go, Jade. Protective Dave on the prowl." Ampora said before walking away.

"What was that about, Dave?" Jade asked.

"I just can't stand that guy." I said. I saw Harley's face turn red.

"Dave, your arm." She said. Fuck, I bet I looked like a fucking loser right now. I pulled my arm off of her faster than Lil Cal can move.

"Sorry about that, Harley." I said, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"I-It's okay, Dave." She stuttered, "Anywho, what are we doing later?"

"I could show you how to use turntables." I said. It would be pretty cool to show Harley some of my sick beats while we were at my place.

"That would be so cool!" She hugged me. I did my best to stop the motherfucking blush that was coming onto my face.

"Dave!" Egderp yelled. Oh sweet fuck, what did he want now? Jade let go of me, and I turned around.

"What the fuck do you want now, Egderp?" I asked, extremely annoyed.

"It's about Rose." He said.

"What about Lalonde?"

"W-Well," He stuttered, "I've noticed some changes in her that I want to talk to you about. Alone."

"Fine, we'll go talk about your shitty problems with my half-sister because we all know I'm a fucking genius when it comes to therapy giving, over ruling, can barely smile girls and their shitty changes." I grumbled while Egderp pulled me into some shitty corner.

"So, what the fuck is your problem?" I asked impatiently.

"Rose has s-some considerable changes over the summer. D-Don't you agree?" He said, stuttering like a fucking idiot.

"Egbert, just spit it out."

"It's just that Rose has grown much more, how do I put this, womanly." He said. On the outside I was cool and collected, but on the inside, I was laughing like a motherfucking idiot. Egderp was having the same problem as me. I don't know if that's ironic or just sad.

"Is there an issue with that, Egbert?" I asked.

"N-No. It's just that, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I mean, she's still really cool and all, but I just keep stumbling and stuff. It's like the 1933 version of Galapageese and The Sun Star, I know she's still Rose, but I feel so akward and stumbly. You know, more than usual." He said.

"Other than that fucking idiotic movie reference, I think I know what you're talking about." I said.

"Really, you feel uneasy around Rose too?"

"No, not fucking Lalonde, I was talking about Harley."

"Oh, has she grown too?"

"Sweet motherfuck, how could you not have noticed?" I said angrily.

"Well, we were together all summer, so I guess I didn't notice." He said.

"I guess we're just a couple of motherfucking love sick puppies. Except I'm a wolf pup, and you're one of those Scooby Doo type shits."

"Scooby Doo is awesome though! Oh, I get it. You're calling me awesome!" Egderp said with his derpy smile. I sighed.

"Now that we've settled this fucked up conversation, I have to scare all the other desperate shits off of Harley. Good motherfucking luck with Lalande, Egderp." I said, walking away. I noticed that Harley wasn't where I left her.

"Yo, Lalande." I said.

"Yes?" She replied.

"You seen Harley around?"

"She walked off with two tall males. It was toward the eastward wing of the garden if I'm not mistaken." She said. I stormed off where Lalalonde told me Harley was. Oh sweet motherfucking shit. I turn my back for a few motherfucking seconds, and this happens. I swear by the power irony if they even touch Harley, I will beat them so bad that they won't be able to blink without their motherfucking grandkids saying ouch. I was about to walk around the corner when I heard talking.

"You know, Jade" I heard the all to sickening motherfucking famliar voice of Figar say, "You've grown a lot over the summer." I growled subconiously. Figar and his brother Gruax had always had a thing for Jade. They were always trying to pick her up before they left for highschool. Now that we were here, it was going to be a motherfucking pain keeping them off her again.

"You think so?" Jade said innocently.

"Oh yes. You look lovely. I have to say, I almost didn't recognize you." Gruax said. I was ready to do a motherfucking triple with a twist backflip off the handle right now, but I stayed in place. Jade was strong, but dammit, it was hard to stay put.

"Thanks. I guess I did grow a little, but my old clothes are a little to tight now. I still have to go shopping for more." She said.

"Well Jade, would you consider letting us take you shopping. I would love to help you pick out new outfits. I have a perfect one in mind." Figar, that cold hearted bastard, said. _Come on Jade, kick that bastards ass._

"Thanks, but Rose said she would take me." Jade said nervously. _Stay put, Strider, stay put. Jade can handle it._

"Aww...don't be like that. We'll be sure to pick good clothes." Gruax said. _Control yourself, Strider._

"You know you want us Jadey, so just come out and say it. Say you like us, and want us to be your new matesprites." He said. _Oh motherfuck, they are asking to have a shitty sword shoved through their abdomen._

"But I don't like you like that." Jade said nervously. _Good Harley, now bitchslap him._

"Excuse me? It sounded like we were just rejected. Do you know what that means, Gruax?" Figar said.

"It's hurting time." Gruax said, cracking his knuckles. _Shit Strider, keep your cool, count to ten..._

"One last chance dear, say you love us, or that pretty face of yours will be no more." Figar said. _1..2..3..4..5..._

"I don't like you Figar, I'm sorry." Jade whispered, I could barely catch it. _6..7..8..9..shit this isn't working. _

"Then you have forced this upon yourself." Figar said. _You know what? Screw my cool kid rep, these idiots are about to be murdered!_ I craned my head to see what was happening. I saw Jade crying, and exploded. No one makes Jade cry. Especially not when the motherfucking Dave fucking Strider is in the room. I stormed up to those two motherfuckers.

"Well if isn't the Strider Knight coming to save his Jady-girl." Figar smirked. He and Gruax sent swift kicks and punches from every direction. I could dodge them easily, but there was no room to attack. I looked for a pattern in their attacks, but it was all a jumbled mess. After a few seconds, Gruax started to slow down, I took the opportunity to give him a swift kick to the head. He was out like three year old cheese.

Figar started to speed up his attacks, causing me to go back to defense. I finally found his attack pattern, and drop kicked his ass. Sadly, this shit monkey was harder to knock out then his brother. He got up faster than I thought he would, and nailed a hit to my left shoulderblade. I fell down, but got up fast. No way in hell was I letting this bastard getting away with making Jade cry.

His attack pattern had changed again, and he managed to land a few hits, but nothing like bro dishes out. After a few seconds, he was slowing down. I sent a quick puch to his face, but he blocked it just in time. I wish I had my shitty sword right now. He kept sending puches and kicks in a random order, but I managed to drop kick him again. Once he was down, I sent another kick to his head. He was close to being knocked out, but managed to send a final kick to the wound in my arm. I winced in pain slightly, but managed to knock him out with a final blow to his head.

I sighed and looked at my arm. It was bleeding through the bandage and my jacket, but I didn't care. I looked up at Harley, who must have fainted during all the excitment. I walked over to her quietly, and crouched down to face her. Her face was tear streaked and her eyes were a little puffy. Since no one was around, I wiped away her stray tears with my thumb.

"Dammit, Harley, why do you have to be so fucking irresistible." I said. She woke up slowly, and I pulled back my hand like she was on fire.

"D-Dave?" She asked.

"It's okay, Harley. I'm here. Those bastards aren't gonna mess with you anymore." I said patting her head. She gave me a life threatening hug.

"I was so scared!" She yelled into my chest.

"It's fine, Harley. I'll always protect you, no matter what."

"Thanks." She sniffled. She saw my arm, and screamed.

"Did they do that to you?" She screamed.

"Please, give me some fucking credit, Harley. Bro did that, they just opened it back up." I said. She ripped off some of her denim skirt.

"Dammit, Harley. Are you trying to get more fanboys!" I said.

"Take off you're jacket. I'm going to patch up your wound." She said. I did as she said, and she wrapped the cloth around the gash, and tied it tightly.

"That should stop the bleeding until we get you to the nurses office." She said, "Here's your jacket back."

"Keep it, Harley. You need something to cover you up. We don't need something like this happening again." I said as I put my jacket around her shoulders. It covered her like a small dress.

"Thanks, Dave." She said with a smile, "Thanks for everything you've done for me."

"No problem, Harley. I can't have my favorite girl get into danger just because she's irresistibly cute." I said. She gave me a hug, and I returned it with a smile. I guess now was a good time as any to confess. Time to throw my feelings out like a carsick gay boy.

"Hey Harley I-" I was about to say it when she cut me off.

"I love you, Dave." She said, hugging me closer.

"Feeling's mutual, Harley." I hugged her closer as well.

**That was my shitty story! I made up pretty much every thing within two hours, so...it was shitty. Bye!**


End file.
